Why working doesn't work for me

I'm usually unhappy at work, and the unhappiness stems from the way I perceive work. It has very little to do with the actual contents of the work. Believe me, I've tried to work at different roles, different companies, in totally different fields, and it doesn't fix my problem.

The most succinct way I have of putting it is this. For me, (paid) work feels like an endless stream of "have to" and "must do" and zero "want to do". I don't get joy from finishing tasks because the only thing I'm thinking about is the next thing I "have to do". Work doesn't give me energy, it actively drains it from me.

(I'm extremely weirded out by people who say their work gives them energy. The mental whiplash I get from this is so strong that I actually think those people are gaslighting themselves rather than accept that they actually mean it. Cognitive dissonance is one hell of a drug, also for me.)

If I have to do a computer-based task that is very simple and only takes a couple of minutes, it doesn't cost me just those minutes of actually doing it. I am actively resenting having to start the task, and you can find me avoiding said task. I honestly would rather clear out an overflowing trash bin than do that damned simple task (and I will often choose to do so!).

Repeat this process for every thing I have to do. It's extremely hard for me to concentrate. Combine this with the ever lurking distractions of e-mail, meetings, other extra calls and what have you and I feel like I'm some sort of crazy prison that I cannot escape. I'm only looking forward to the end of the day and my responsibilities, so I can finally just be.

As you can imagine, this really frustrates me. I feel like a failure because I cannot do simple things without waging an inner war, let alone deep work that requires longer periods of concentration. I so desperately want (paid) work to feel "better", but I have never managed to find this El Dorado.

The crazy thing is, I'm quite sure it's partly a self-inflicted condition. I don't mind doing things at all. Cooking for friends? Sign me up. Cleaning the house? No prob. Reading a book for hours on end? Concentration galore! It's purely that I have problems with not wanting to do the things that are required by paid work, even if those things on paper match my interests (example: writing technical documents). That's why I tried working in those different fields, different companies, different roles. I keep hoping that there's some magic solution for my problem.

At the end of the day, I'm not sure if there is. The things I enjoy doing are polar opposites of what our capitalist society rewards or encourages. Writing with pens, writing this blog, reading books, learning facts and new skills that have zero useful application for work, cooking for visitors, making music with my orchestra, going to the gym, walking, biking. These are all classified as "hobbies", I think? But, if I had enough money not to work, that is what I would do.

The fact that I cannot spend all my time on those things, but have to spend it working for money, actively pains me. It feels like a prison. And it seems most of my inmates are happy in this prison? Don't experience it as a prison?

Do you recognize anything in what I'm saying? Please share your experience.