The paradox of being a decent person

Everybody thinks they're a better than average driver, and everybody thinks they are a decent person. I too, would like to think that I'm a decent person. If you think I'm an awful person, you might not like reading this post because it'll come across as fictitious.

Assuming that I am a decent person, and you are a decent person as well, I perceive the following paradox:

You cannot "win" an argument with an indecent person while staying in the realm of decency. You have to step down to their level, and that makes you an indecent person as well.

This is problematic in this day and age because it seems the indecent people are getting louder and louder. They're causing more problems every day. I mean, the top two people on my "OMG, You Sure Are An Enormous Asshole"-list are about to rule the United States (one for real, one as a puppet, I'll leave it to you to decide who is the puppet).

Who do I consider to be "indecent people"? Basically: conservatives and capitalists. I'm drawing a line in the sand here, so if you consider yourself a conservative: bye? I guess?

The hallmark of a conservative person to me is someone who doesn't care what happens to other people, as long as it doesn't happen to them. Only when it happens to them, does something suddenly have to change. Think of people who deny climate change, but then their house burns down, and they think they should be bailed out by the government (happening right now in California!). Or, women who supported the abortion ban in the US, but then their pregnancy goes wrong, and they need an abortion for "medical reasons", so why isn't that allowed? God, these people grind my gears. Have you so little imagination? Have you so little trust in experts who warn us what could happen?

It's stuff like this that makes me want to descend in the realm of indecency. I want to grab these people by the shoulders and shake them while yelling, "are you stupid!? Many people have warned you that this exact thing could happen!"

Indecent people don't seem to have any sort of moral compass. Their style of behaving, which is utterly devoid of empathy for others, is spreading. Racism, misogyny, hatred for immigrants and refugees, it's everywhere I look online. I try to avoid it, but cannot. The way indecent people talk about other people who are not like them, or are not behaving the way they want, is so vile.

The gloves are off on the 2025 version of the internet.

The decision made by Meta, to no longer moderate content, removed the last bit of doubt I had about Big Tech "caring" about minorities. How are we living in a reality where it's okay to tell people they are mentally ill because they prefer to be in a relationship with people from the same gender? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Did I just step in a time machine that went back to the Middle Ages?

The paradox now rears its head. I would really like to convince indecent people, calmly, that their ideas are misguided. That they shouldn't focus on the immigrant taking their job, but the fact that billionaires aren't paying their fair share of taxes. But, there's no way that would achieve anything at all. Nuance has left the building. Yet, if I were to stoop to their level, throw a couple of curses their way, I become what I loathe.

For some reason, being a decent person matters to me. This is not coming from a religious motivation, mandated by some book with rules. No, I think the world would be a better place when people have more empathy for each other.

Why is the hatred winning? I find it harder and harder not to blame the way big tech social media is organized. The algorithms suck people into a circle jerk, confirmation bias convinces them of the fact that they are correct and everybody else is wrong.

Which leads me to think "Maaike, hold up, this could happen to you too. Maybe it is YOU who is wrong!", and so I doubt myself. It's this doubt that makes me hesitant to just throw my opinion about how the world should be organized to random people on the internet. Yes, it's here on my blog, but this blog is ALSO a circle jerk. It's only read by people who follow me, I don't have much reach beyond that.

A couple of decent people I follow on the internet are trying to fight the indecency by publishing texts where they sound really sure of themselves. To be perceived as "strong voices", is what that feels like to me.

However, I find doubt very charming. I have a ton of respect for people who say they are not sure about something, who can admit when they were wrong, and then change their opinion. This is so refreshing in a time when people are committing themselves into one school of thought only, and never leave it!

Cognitive dissonance is one hell of a drug, and self-doubt seems to be the only way you can still claw yourself out of a hole you dug. This hole can be anything: convictions, opinions...

I'm afraid the world is going to be even more Us versus Them than it already is. This is amplified by the algorithmic driven internet. Which leads me to once again beg you to join the IndieWeb, the federated internet. Get out of the cirklejerk websites and apps: Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, LinkedIn, or god forbid, X. Get the F out of there. If you can't leave, reduce your use or use the POSSE principle. Join Mastodon, set up your own blog, follow people who are truly independent, and lastly: DOUBT YOURSELF.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.