Sunday, the day I dread the most

Most of you who know me, will know that I don’t like sundays, generally speaking. Moreover, I usually dread this day of the week! Why is that? Well, the days feels dead most of the times. It is very quiet, the shops are closed, nobody is doing jackshit, or you are feeling crappy from whatever crazy shit you did on saturday night. These little things can make me feel melancholic, but not the good sort of melancholy which I can feel while listening to beautiful but sad music. No, this type of melancholy is usually linked to memories of the past that like to come back to haunt me. Memories of lovely times that can never come back (first love, for example). These thoughts are useless, I know that, but somehow I mostly get them on sundays. I can’t really do much about it. I try planning my sundays with fun stuff: sport, friends, activities. Activities that involve more people usually help the most, but sometimes, even the company of the people I care about isn’t enough to prevent me from having these dreadful sunday moments. It’s something I have to live with, I guess.

This all leads to the point I’m trying to make. Even I, who hates sundays, can enjoy them in some way. Like last sunday when I went for a long walk in the woods with Christiaan. We took my camera’s with us to take pictures. The weather was wonderful: sunny, cold, no wind. The land was covered with a very thin layer of frost. I love that! The light in the forest was mesmerizing and a lot of our photo’s turned out very good. I would like to show some of them.

Later during the day, the memories came to haunt me again, but Christiaan helped me a lot by listening to me talking about it. It is pretty hard for me to talk about it, because it seems like a great chaos in my head that needs to be sorted out. The conversation we had was really wonderful and I think it helped both of us. We both have our inner demons. For me, the problem lies mostly in accepting that I have these thoughts that haunt me. I shouldn’t fight them, but accept that I have them and let it go. That, I find, is really hard. I cannot speak for Christiaan here, since it isn’t my choice to make his personal stuff public. That is his own choice to make. I personally think it is good to be open about the private troubles you face, especially the mental ones. Most people are so secretive about that, but why?? I think barely anyone lives in perfect harmony with themselves, yet for some reason, a lot of people find it so hard to talk about their personal fights with themselves. Afraid to open up? Scared the other one will laugh? I don’t know. I wish people would be more open and honest to others!

Well, this has become quite the rant, I hope I don’t bore you to tears, dear reader.
One last thing I would like to say. This last sunday, after I had this long conversation with Christiaan, I felt elated! My heart was full of love for my dearest friends and family. I had the urge to pick up the phone and call everyone to say how much I love them. I didn’t do that, because I think people would probably be really surprised and think that I’m a mad woman (which I am of course, bwahahah). Still, it was a nice feeling! It happens to me sometimes, so don’t be surprised when suddenly I come up to you to say that I love you, I only mean the best. I’m a damn hippy for sure!

All the pictures here:

Rhijnauwen