No fucks to give

I’m personally thriving, but looking at the state of the world has me feeling completely detached

I’m working very hard on building my nutrition coaching company right now. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever worked harder in my life. I also don’t think I’ve ever felt so much purpose in my life. That’s all great! New feelings, learning lots, enjoying the process. Positive momentum is building, and I’m here for it!

My life is very local right now. I’m working, going to the gym, going to my orchestra, visiting the city center, visiting friends. I barely use my car, I just bike, or take the bus. Living local has been the biggest change for me since the pandemic, and I feel like it’s a sensible way to live that has a lot less impact on the environment.

Things are going well in the gym too. I’m close to my PB’s and I hope to smash all my PB’s in the next powerlifting meet at the end of March.

All in all, personally I’m doing well.

Yet….

If I look at the world at large, I immediately feel detached. I seemingly have no fucks to give. I’m quite sure it’s a coping mechanism because the alternative is to start crying.

Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

The feeling started with the war in Ukraine, which directly impacted Ukrainian colleagues of mine at the time. I felt horrified, and I could not imagine the scope of their emotions.

But, the world kept turning. Coverage of the war lessened, it was now our new normal. Even though it’s far from normal!

The start of the war in Israel had less of an effect on me. It’s almost like my emotions were numb? It felt like “oh, yeah, another war. What can I do? Nothing. I have zero influence on this.”

In the newspaper, I read and see about the horrible reality people in Gaza are living in, and it feels so wrong to feel nothing. I feel guilty about it. (And I don’t mean to make this about me because in the grand scale of things I don’t matter, at all.)

I started thinking about why I don’t feel anything, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because all the misery fits the narrative I currently have of the world. It seems to me that we, as a human species, are going in the wrong direction completely.

What is winning en masse right now: greed, hate, violence.

Personally, I’m more about: being okay with having enough and not needing more (money, stuff), wanting other people to also have enough, and wanting other people to feel safe. And violence just seems stupid entirely.

Yet, billionaires are increasingly putting their mark on the world. Governments are getting more right-wing. War is increasing. Capitalism is ever more growing. Climate change doesn’t get the attention it deserves. We don’t seem to see the long game.

I can’t do anything about it. And apparently, because of this, my emotions have decided to switch off whenever I read the news. I have become a nihilist, without meaning to? Maybe I’ve become a misanthrope, even?

Is this healthy? I have no idea. Like I said earlier, it feels like a coping mechanism.

I’ll keep living my local life. I won’t litter the streets. I will be kind to the people around me. I’m not buying a lot of stuff. I’m actively trying not to do harm to the world. Oh yeah, and I’m sure as shit not producing any kids (sorry, mom). I guess that’s my contribution to all this insanity.

How are you dealing and coping with it all?