Coping hard.

Something happened last week that made me realize something funny about myself: I am coping hard in one aspect of life.

I always pretend I don’t care about things. I make fun of things. I ridicule things. But that’s a coping mechanism because honestly, I care a lot.

I actually care so much, that it often costs me. I feel too many emotions, too quickly. It’s draining.

As a result, I tried to create a defense mechanism and for some reason I chose “pretending I don’t care”, mixed with a little bit of humor (although it’s kinda difficult to self-assess if you’re funny).

But I was so successful with this defense mechanism that I started to believe that this was my actual reaction to things.

Hah!

No, certain events last week proved that I was coping hard and lying to myself.

Now I have to figure out if this defense mechanism is worth keeping, or if I should try something new.

What are your coping mechanisms?